The air really is thinner up here

A recent 'encounter' with a guy I've known for about 18 months now, has had me thinking about pedestals and how the men in my life seem to enjoy hoisting me up on them. 'What the hell are you complaining about?', you may well ask. Well I may be many things, but self-delusional I'm not. I'm never completely seduced into accepting their version of me and I don't particularly enjoy waiting around for the inevitable shoe to drop; for reality to set in and for Romeo to figure out his Juliet is not exactly what he built her up to be.

Why is it, do you think, that all romantic movies finish just as the couple gets together? Quite simply because in time neither partner will match up exactly to their opposite's greatly exaggerated expectations, and that my friends, does not make for good TV. Life happens in all its relentlessly tedious monotony and reveals in small & large, strange & banal, repulsive & attractive ways, the true inner workings of a person. And I guarantee you, this enlightened portrait will bear very slim resemblance to the glossy silhouette.

Now I'm not saying that women (or me on the odd occasion!) don't do their fair share of 'pre-emptive positive profiling' (sounds so much more scientific than 'putting someone on a pedestal'), but this is my blog so I'm simplifying things dramatically here and limiting the discussion to boys in my (all too) small experience. By the way, before you come to the erroneous conclusion I'm some self-depreciating, doom & gloom, Zoloft munching hysteric in severe image crisis, let me allay your suspicions. I believe I'm a perfectly lovable gal with plenty to offer any lucky guy, and it is really only because I feel so comfortable with who I am, that I want a potential partner to love me for that - not as some projection of his own aspirations.

Anywho, whilst initially flattered they think the sun shines from my nether-regions, I am usually quickly annoyed they will not accept my insistent protestations to the contrary ('how adorably humble/shy/modest you are!'). To be fair though, what are they honestly to say? "Oh right, yeah sure I see now - you're really not so fab. So dinner next Tuesday good for you honey?" Obviously it's a little more complicated.

What occurred to me this week however, is that the particular type of pedestal each of these guys has put me on, has really said so much more about the him, than it ever has about me. For example my 1st boyfriend put me on what I think I'll refer to as the 'purity pedestal' - pretty self-explanatory really. I was just 18 and freshly emancipated from 5 years at an all girl's boarding school; it rarely comes more pure these days! Anyway I grew up and stuffed up, and in the end he just couldn't reconcile this person with the 2D image of who he thought I should be. Now this boy was very conflicted about being a 'good person' - in the eyes of his family, the church, his friends - hell, pretty much everyone. The real kicker though, was that he felt he needed his girlfriend to be even 'better' than him - I don't know, to lift him another level or reflect his goodness 2-fold upon the world or whatever. I don't want to tarnish the memory, we had a pretty awesome 3 years, but if we're identifying (with the magical aid of 20/20 hindsight) some of the reasons why it all fell apart - I reckon the de-mystification process had a large part to play.

But back to this recent lad. The pedestal he was erecting followed another pattern I've been observing quite a bit lately; the search for the independent free-spirit girl. My theory is that it has something to do with corporate cringe, or perhaps the beginnings of the depressing realisation that they've signed away the next 40 years of their life to 'the man'. By choosing a slightly left of centre gal-pal, they can maintain the illusion they're bucking the system, livin' la vida loca, staying in-touch with the bohemian zeitgeist, or whatever. Fair call, I get where the misconception started - I met this man whilst hiking a remote and deserted mountain pass on he border between Tibet & China (yes I distinguish between them as separate countries - looks like this blog will never make it past the Great Firewall of China) but in addition to my regular travel adventures I also appreciate a good £50 haircut, wax my legs & even sneak in a manicure from time to time. Sure I'm independent & I like to think I'm a reasonably well informed global citizen, but I'm also as prone to mass media manipulation and the irrational desire to surround myself with more and more and more things, as anyone. I'm having enough trouble saving my own mortal soul - I really don't have the time to be piggy backing anyone else.

Phew! This is really very cathartic isn't it? Don't expect anyone will have hung on for this long, but then again I guess I'm not writing this for anyone other than me! That said, I wonder exactly what form of pedestal I tend to put guys on.... hmmm.