Good clean fun

How To Shower Like a Woman:

• Take off clothing & place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights & darks.
• Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
• Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc...
• Get in the shower & use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah & pumice stone.
• Wash your hair once with cucumber & sage shampoo complete with 33 added vitamins.
• Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
• Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with real passion fruit.
• Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 5 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut & jaffa cake body wash.
• Rinse conditioner off hair.
  Shave armpits and legs.
• Turn off shower & squeegee all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with shower bleach.
• Get out of shower & stand on bathmat.
• Dry with towel the size of a small country.
• Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
• Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown & towel on head.
• If you see boyfriend/husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

How To Shower Like a Man:

• Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed & leave them in a pile on floor.
  Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see girlfriend/wife along the way, shake penis at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
• Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your penis & scratch your butt.
• Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands & let the water rinse them off. Fart & laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
• Spend majority of time washing privates & surrounding area.
• Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk.
• Pee.
• Rinse off and get out of shower.
• Avoid bathmat. Dry off forearms & butt only. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time.
• Suck in stomach, puff up chest & admire penis size in mirror again.
• Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
• Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass girlfriend/wife, pull off towel, shake penis at her & make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
• Throw wet towel on bed.

This forward is a little insipid but got a guernsey in here because it provided me some comforting illumination; i.e. it's not just guys I date who like to spin their wedding tackle around like a novelty bow-tie. Apparently it's an affliction shared by men across the globe... & they say there's just an extra chromosome between us...