My Grandma

My grandma died today at 4.30 EST. What an odd time to choose. When I go, as I suppose I must, I think I would like to draw my last breath in the early morning. That atmosphere of anticipation, the crisp new day enveloping me like fresh bed linen, heart and mind perceptibly steeling for the journey ahead... 4.30pm just seems such a world weary time... but I suppose that's what she probably was. Mum tells me she was very sad towards the end. The killer is, I can picture it so clearly; incapacitated with acute pain in an unfamiliar, sterile hospice room, and surrounded by her loving (but no doubt very depressing family), she was intensely saddened to be leaving this world. Now prepare yourself for an über redundant observation: that pain of separation has to be one of the key struggles of the human condition. I’m not only referring to the ultimate separation of death of course, but the multitude of minor separation dramas which play out in our everyday lives. Forget death and taxes, separation is also as continual as it is certain. The only thing, person or place we will never be separated from is our own consciousness, our own physical body, our own personal space. One could obviously say a lot about the conscious altering (separating) effects of hallucinogenic drugs, hypnosis, etc. at this juncture, but that’s entirely beside the point.

We are alone, ipso facto, we are lonely. I’ve heard this ‘truism’ countless times but never really assimilated it into my own experience of the world before. It’s a super philosophy and one that I must confess I am embracing more and more as the years pass, but the trouble is I can distinctly remember a time when I was not lonely – childhood. Do we then have to further qualify the statement by saying that only all ‘adults’ are lonely? I’m quite certain a whole host of people would also swiftly dispute this. So are they in denial or simply not in touch with their deeper subconscious state? Do children not yet possess the necessary emotional intelligence to identify the condition in themselves? I don’t know. What I do know is that I am lonely – particularly today at the passing of my beloved Grandmother, but also in a profound way everyday.

I was just reading a review of the new Mike Mills movie Thumbsucker (which I have incidentally been looking forward to with a kind of morbid interest, as Elliot Smith chose to commit suicide whilst writing a song for the film) and a quote from Tilda Swinton caught my eye: "I thought there was something rather transgressive about the idea of doubtlessness being held up to be the cardinal virtue of all time.” (Isn’t she fabulous?!) We have been conditioned to expect perfection of ourselves – a challenging career, loving relationship, functional family, age-defying beauty, mental health, money, all the trappings of social status… it’s spawned multi-billion dollar plastic surgery, life coaching, fitness regime & diet planning industries (to name just a few superfluous modern mutations of service functions). Is this mad search for an acceptable identity all about avoiding the fact that many of our problems are existential? Perhaps the best remedy is to accept that there are no remedies, to embrace our anxieties and learn to live without answers.

Wow, I think I’ve wandered a little far from the path. This is not what I set out to say at all. What I wanted to do was send a small tribute to my Grandma out into the void and so that is what I shall end with.

My grandma was one of the best people have ever met or will ever meet. She was a true Matriarch - proud, strong, infinitely loving, generous of heart, stoic, full of faith, resourceful, kind, patient, determined, dismissive of anything that wasn't our best effort, devoted to her family... I could go on but this isn't helping. Nothing will for a little while, and that's ok too. I love you Grandma and I thank you. There is a hole in our family now but we will honour you by trying to be the kind of people you knew we could be, make the choices that reflect a life of dignity and remain true to your pure spirit. You are missed.

Wanna play work?

Almost forgot - saw a woman walking a weasel yesterday... or what I assume was a weasel. I'm a little sketchy on the critters this side of the globe. My knowledge of small, furry, European mammals is really limited to whatever I picked up watching The Wind In The Willows as a kid. Anyway, a weasel-type-creature - how cool is that. Just when I almost give up on the Danes, they trot out a loon taking a turn in the park with her pet rodent. My faith in humanity is restored.

The other thing restoring my faith in humanity today, is the discovery of J.Sayer's comics. Ahhh, sweet irony...

I fear no beer

Argh, only days into this blogging thing and already my creation is running away from me! Before large hoards of evangelical Christians start flagging my page (either to threaten eternal damnation or attempt to save me from the afore mentioned) I'm going to steer conversation away from religion and onto another subject which is very dear to my heart - words.

I love words - can't get enough of 'em. Long ones, short ones, little ones, big ones: words rock. It was with delicious glee then, that I read an article in this month's Australian about an English lad (Adam Jacot de Boinod - Lordy, with a name like that he really had to get into linguistics didn't he?!) who'd just published a compendium of all the world's most unusual, and often untranslatable, words. The article is no longer available on the website but the book is called 'The Meaning of Tingo' and is published through Penguin.

Anyway the article made reference to a Danish word listed in the book, olfrygt, which translates to, 'a fear arising from lack of beer'. Classic, right?! Being the only foreign national in this very Danish office, and one who is (quite rightly) regularly ribbed for her poor Danish skills, I decided to pin the article to the notice board, so they could all marvel at how their language was basking in international fame. Well nothing could have prepared me for the response - or should I say lack of response.

First I was met with blank stares, then complete denial (they've made that up, it's a nonsense word!) and then a grudging acceptance of the possibility that it could maybe perhaps be a word used in a small part of the country somewhere up north where there are only a couple of hundred farmers & pigs... and they really only speak on alternate Fridays... in June. Well ok people, don't all start patting yourselves on the back at once! The following day I noticed someone had smartly crossed out the offending word and replaced it with the correct spelling: Ølfrygt. Well gee, that 'ø' clears everything up for me Aage, how about you Gry - oh yeah I'm on board now, just couldn't recognise it, what with the 'o' instead of the 'ø'...

Here's an Australian word for you all: Twats!

Serviam

Boy, the last blog was a bit of a theological hit & run wasn't it? Basically the passage which had my knickers in a knot, was the bit where Ben disparaged the interviewer for extrapolating his argument to include the thoughts of a starving Ethiopian. I totally get where he's coming from about the idea of this 'Ethiopian' being a hollow projection of the interviewer which he/she has conveniently utilised as a defence for a reason not to have faith, BUT it also strikes me as a dangerous move towards a obtuse disregard for reality.

Just because you don't happen to know a starving Ethiopian personally, doesn't mean they cease to exist in our global community, or more to the point, in our conception of a world created and governed by God. The question of how God can permit such suffering and injustice, is as old as it is valid. It may not be a solid reason for abandoning faith, but neither can it be dismissed so easily. I got the impression he was saying something to the effect of; these people are outside our sphere of experience, thus they are not our concern - they do not (should not) form a part of our faith dialogue. That bugged me.

But it goes deeper than that. When I first read it, it didn't bother me at all, in fact I thought it was a stunning piece of insight. I was all ready to jump on the Ben-wagon and lay down all my useless Western guilt at the feet of this feel-good philosophy - that's what really bugged me. My uber-conservative mother often accuses me of being a 'warm & fuzzy Catholic' in reference to my vocal opposition of several doctrinal edicts which appear to require 'real sacrifice'. Well usually I'd brush this comment off as just another on my crazy mother's long list of eldest-daughter criticisms... that is if I didn't secretly fear she was right.

I think there's something to this sacrifice thing - to the decision to put someone's needs before your own. Ben touched on it when he spoke of our calling to serve others. Couldn't agree more. In a slightly amusing twist of irony, my high school's motto was Serviam (to serve) and as much as it was drilled into me for 5 years by the nuns, it is only recently that I have really begun to understand the importance of this duty that we all have to each other. I don't want to be one of these people that is only concerned in living an easy life - bloody hell, let's skip the euphemisms - a selfish life.

I refuse to debate the rights & wrongs of homosexuality, the ordination of women, married priests, contraception, abortion or pre-marital sex here, but lets just say, Pope Benedict and I don't really see eye to eye on, well - any of it. The point is though, I can see and appreciate how one might interpret this divergence as me picking and choosing the warm and fuzzy bits of Catholicism, whilst simultaneously rejecting the harder, more personally taxing aspects (to use a regional colloquialism: I'm copping out). In a religion that is all about the epic mortal struggle - where is my pound of flesh coming from? Can I still call myself a Catholic when I seem so diametrically opposed to many of the religion's key ideologies? The short answer is: yes, I believe I can. But that's a whole other essay.

Pop Stars & Philosophy

Been streaming JJJ all day today and just stopped by the webpage to have a gander. Found an interview with Bee Lee that I really liked - it's super long but this bit in particular has me navel gazing this arvo & thought I'd share (I know, I know: an under-fed, over inflated celeb has inspired me to question my intrinsic perceptions & values - I'll hang my head if you promise to shake yours). Ben is in Italics.
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I was talking to someone the other day about the film Kingdom of Heaven. Have you seen that?

I haven't seen it.

Well, it's really not that great.

Is this the one about the crusades?

Yes, and all the different warring sides were going to war saying, 'God is behind us', and 'God wants this war'. And I just started thinking in the middle of the movie about how, especially today, everybody uses God on their side. All these war-makers say, 'God wants this, this is God's will'. And I thought, that's the entire problem with mankind; we consider ourselves arrogant enough to believe we know what God wants. Surely, if you were a believer, in the face of God you should be humble.

That's true. One of the big contradictions that people face talking about this subject or thinking about it is that the language of the universe is a language of paradox, and it's full of contradictions. I believe God does want each of us to find our truth. I studied the Eastern perspective, where everything is fate, it's already been written. So in a way, if war has to happen, it has to happen - it is what God wanted. When peace happens, that's also the natural flow of things, right? But to say God only wants what you want isn't right, because then God also wants what your enemy wants, you know what I mean? People can't handle the paradox; they can't handle that it's not about getting what you want. It's an ego perspective way of looking at spirituality. Even now, the cult of yoga and all these things, often the way it's sold is the idea that you should do it because it's going to just make you healthier and your life longer and you'll be more in shape. But where does the idea of service come into that? All of that is about stuff that you can get out of it. My interest in spirituality is: where does it transform people to actually stop thinking about themselves and actually start thinking about how they fit into the bigger picture?

From an Eastern point of view then, how does that leave us in terms of feeling helpless in the scheme of what's set out in front of you, if it's already destined to happen?

Yes, you are helpless. One way to look at it is you're helpless; but another way to look at it is you're totally taken care of. You're helpless in terms of you getting everything your ego wants, but you're very supported in terms of being part of the bigger picture. One of the really interesting comments on Eastern philosophy and thought in our pop culture world was The Matrix. It was all about waking up from an illusion; it was all about fate, and all those ideas of destiny. At one point he asked the Oracle a really interesting question. He said, 'If all my decisions have been made, what's the point? What's the point of going through it?' And she says, 'All your decisions have been made; you came here to work out why you made them.' When you really get into Eastern thought, they say it's not the decisions you make, it's the intention you make them with.

How does it work, then, for the six year old with leukaemia?

How does what work?

Well, that idea of the path that kid would have - he might die at only six.

You might say he comes back again, and we all go around and around, and some lives we suffer, some lives we don't. On my spiritual journey, a lot of it has come with the idea of letting go of the judging what I know to be right and wrong. At some points I've been through things in my life that people are like, 'How could you go through that? That's so awful.' We've all been through this. I went through that with breaking up with Claire and then my dad dying; all these things happening, leaving Grand Royal and everyone was like, 'Oh my God, it's so awful.' And I was, like, 'Awful?' These were the most liberating things in the world because they gave me the inspiration to go deeper and work out who the hell I am.

So how did you arrive to even start thinking about this stuff? Does that mean that you never get depressed?

Oh no, no. That's just emotions. Emotions go up and down, they go crazy. I mean, the real shift for me had to do with the question, what am I doing this for? With Breathing Tornadoes I had a really big record in Australia, and then Hey You, Yes You didn't do as well, but I was totally unaffected by it because I felt no desire to pursue more power just for the sake of getting more power, do you know what I mean? You look at certain people, like huge rock stars, they seem to get off on the thrill of it just getting bigger and bigger and bigger. But, for me, I'd already gotten a bit of that and I didn't feel like I needed more because I didn't know why I wanted it. In a lot of ways my music was like a diary entry, the way I used it as a teenager, and I didn't feel like there was a purpose to it. It didn't connect me with people. So the search wasn't a search for the meaning of life; that was too abstract, I just wouldn't know where to begin. For me it was, 'Why am I doing what I'm doing? Why am I making music? Why am I on tour? Every day I'm in a different city. What for?' It was it was totally practical. That's why on one hand you can look at it and say that it's such a hard question to ask, but on the other hand it was the simplest question to ask. Why should I bother?

The difficult thing about that conversation and the difficult thing about using the word 'God'. If you look at it from a scientific level, from a quantum physics level, we've already reached the frontiers of science, and they've said we're all connected, we're all part of this one organism. The blink of an eye could cause a tidal wave on the other side of the world. There is one thing, and you see that in a lot of psychic things that happen some people are more open to it than others, but there are definitely psychic connections that people have throughout the world. I had a dream my dad was going to die a few months before he did. A lot of people have these stories, because we're connected. So if we're one thing, what is that one thing? I call it God. But I don't look at it as a guy with a white beard. I don't personify it. For me, if anything, the personification that I feel comfortable with is more of the mother. 'All-powerful', 'all-knowing' these are masculine, patriarchal images that we have of the divine.

Often God is depicted as very punishing.

Exactly, and it doesn't work for me because, essentially, at the end of the day, it's not fun. All my experiences that I've had in my life have shown me that joy is the key to connecting with God. So that's why the spiritual content in my music is so not dogmatic, you know? I would never say to someone, 'You have to be a Jew, you have to be a Buddhist, you have to go to India', none of that stuff. I can talk about my path, but the only real spiritual content of my music is the acknowledgment that there's a bigger plan going on than meets the eye, and the fact that we each have to find our truth.

I can't handle the whole, 'We must have greater meaning!' spiel of people such as Oprah Winfrey, mainly because I think it's all tied to our own egos, and useless Western anxiety. I'm sure that some starving person in Ethiopia isn't thinking about their greater meaning - they're probably hoping for food.

I totally understand what you're saying, and when it come to faith there's very little you can actually talk about. The one thing I would say to you is to stop worrying about that starving person in Africa, who you haven't even met. You're just imagining them. They're a projection of you, you know what I mean? If you can tell me, 'I have a friend starving in Africa who feels like this', then that's a very valid thing to bring up. But right now, you're just using that as a defence for a reason to not have faith.

I guess I just don't feel the need to have any faith outside of the day that I'm living right now.

In terms of you being on your path, whatever that is, you're on it. There's no right or wrong way to do it. I can only say what works for me and you can only say what works for you, and we can both exist being right - even if we've got different answers. If people could develop that ability to hold the paradox in their mind, then there might be less conflict in the world, where it's not that one holy book is right more than another holy book. It could be, wow, isn't this world diverse and amazing and brilliant? We do not need to try and convince each other to change.

Absolutely. It's the whole three blind men and the elephant story. You can't ever get the same point of view about the same thing.

The important thing about that story is that they are all having an experience; they are all feeling an elephant, even though they can't describe it. A lot gets lost in the translation and in them trying to convince each other, but there is something there. For me, what's interesting is talking to people about what ever it is that gets them through the day. From the limited amount I know you; I know a huge part of what I would call your 'faith' is in music. There are no real atheists. A real atheist believes in nothing. If you believe in music; if you believe in art; if you believe that it's worth talking about; if you believe in sharing your emotions, these are beliefs, you know? And it's the act of having faith in the belief that gives you power, it's not the thing that you believe in. If you love music, if another guy loves soccer, if another guy loves Jesus, it's very similar - it's going to bring them joy.

The people who I think my music is speaking to, it's not like they're looking for an answer but I feel like there's a lot of people in the world who are hungry just to believe that life could mean something to them. A lot of people have had that beaten out of them, and they really just want to share the experience of knowing there are other people that believe they can make something of their life; that life could become better, that they could love in a pure way. These things aren't talked about as openly as maybe some of us would like. I think those people are the ones who I really have something to say to.
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Yeah, probably a little too deep for a Saturday but these introspective moments rarely schedule themselves conveniently ;-) Really starting to feel bad about downloading his new album (Awake Is The New Sleep) gratis off the internet though!

The air really is thinner up here

A recent 'encounter' with a guy I've known for about 18 months now, has had me thinking about pedestals and how the men in my life seem to enjoy hoisting me up on them. 'What the hell are you complaining about?', you may well ask. Well I may be many things, but self-delusional I'm not. I'm never completely seduced into accepting their version of me and I don't particularly enjoy waiting around for the inevitable shoe to drop; for reality to set in and for Romeo to figure out his Juliet is not exactly what he built her up to be.

Why is it, do you think, that all romantic movies finish just as the couple gets together? Quite simply because in time neither partner will match up exactly to their opposite's greatly exaggerated expectations, and that my friends, does not make for good TV. Life happens in all its relentlessly tedious monotony and reveals in small & large, strange & banal, repulsive & attractive ways, the true inner workings of a person. And I guarantee you, this enlightened portrait will bear very slim resemblance to the glossy silhouette.

Now I'm not saying that women (or me on the odd occasion!) don't do their fair share of 'pre-emptive positive profiling' (sounds so much more scientific than 'putting someone on a pedestal'), but this is my blog so I'm simplifying things dramatically here and limiting the discussion to boys in my (all too) small experience. By the way, before you come to the erroneous conclusion I'm some self-depreciating, doom & gloom, Zoloft munching hysteric in severe image crisis, let me allay your suspicions. I believe I'm a perfectly lovable gal with plenty to offer any lucky guy, and it is really only because I feel so comfortable with who I am, that I want a potential partner to love me for that - not as some projection of his own aspirations.

Anywho, whilst initially flattered they think the sun shines from my nether-regions, I am usually quickly annoyed they will not accept my insistent protestations to the contrary ('how adorably humble/shy/modest you are!'). To be fair though, what are they honestly to say? "Oh right, yeah sure I see now - you're really not so fab. So dinner next Tuesday good for you honey?" Obviously it's a little more complicated.

What occurred to me this week however, is that the particular type of pedestal each of these guys has put me on, has really said so much more about the him, than it ever has about me. For example my 1st boyfriend put me on what I think I'll refer to as the 'purity pedestal' - pretty self-explanatory really. I was just 18 and freshly emancipated from 5 years at an all girl's boarding school; it rarely comes more pure these days! Anyway I grew up and stuffed up, and in the end he just couldn't reconcile this person with the 2D image of who he thought I should be. Now this boy was very conflicted about being a 'good person' - in the eyes of his family, the church, his friends - hell, pretty much everyone. The real kicker though, was that he felt he needed his girlfriend to be even 'better' than him - I don't know, to lift him another level or reflect his goodness 2-fold upon the world or whatever. I don't want to tarnish the memory, we had a pretty awesome 3 years, but if we're identifying (with the magical aid of 20/20 hindsight) some of the reasons why it all fell apart - I reckon the de-mystification process had a large part to play.

But back to this recent lad. The pedestal he was erecting followed another pattern I've been observing quite a bit lately; the search for the independent free-spirit girl. My theory is that it has something to do with corporate cringe, or perhaps the beginnings of the depressing realisation that they've signed away the next 40 years of their life to 'the man'. By choosing a slightly left of centre gal-pal, they can maintain the illusion they're bucking the system, livin' la vida loca, staying in-touch with the bohemian zeitgeist, or whatever. Fair call, I get where the misconception started - I met this man whilst hiking a remote and deserted mountain pass on he border between Tibet & China (yes I distinguish between them as separate countries - looks like this blog will never make it past the Great Firewall of China) but in addition to my regular travel adventures I also appreciate a good £50 haircut, wax my legs & even sneak in a manicure from time to time. Sure I'm independent & I like to think I'm a reasonably well informed global citizen, but I'm also as prone to mass media manipulation and the irrational desire to surround myself with more and more and more things, as anyone. I'm having enough trouble saving my own mortal soul - I really don't have the time to be piggy backing anyone else.

Phew! This is really very cathartic isn't it? Don't expect anyone will have hung on for this long, but then again I guess I'm not writing this for anyone other than me! That said, I wonder exactly what form of pedestal I tend to put guys on.... hmmm.

It's the globe Jim, but not as we know it...

This little gem came to me today from back home and I thought I'd share via blog rather than clogging up more people's inboxes. I'm sure it's certain to offend some, but considering the only response I've had to my blogs so far (hurrah - day 2 and already mail!) was from (presumably) an American suggesting that Denmark was in fact a fictional country, I feel a little less conflicted about posting it. Might even be educational.

These questions were sent into the Australian Tourism Website, by prospective visitors - obviously the answers came from fellow Aussies just trying to help:

1.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then we just sit around watching them die.

2.
Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

3.
Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take a bit of water...

4.
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

5.
Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.

6.
Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

7.
Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

8.
Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

9.
Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)
A: No, WE don't stink.

10.
Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

11.
Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)
A: You are a British politician, right?

12.
Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

13.
Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)
A: Only once a year.

14.
Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

15.
Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

16.
Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-me-ri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.

17.
Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees onto people walking beneath, after which they proceed to eat their brains out. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking in the bush.

18.
Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will probably still have to pay her by the hour.

19.
Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, we suggest you enrol in classes as soon as possible.

Listless

Yikes! Been doing my research (like the good little trainee I am) and must confess, I'm rather overawed by all the fabulously creative and talented bloggers out there. Sure I've only just skimmed the surface, but already I've stumbled across prize-worthy novels in progress, anonymous Hollywood celebs dishing the dirt, heavy-weight political spin doctors interpreting foreign policy, amateur sleuths uncovering multi-national corporate fraud and enough dry wit to host a Monty Python revival. Hard to compete with that kind of arsenal!

Lucky for me, I have my own secret weapon - wait for it... wait for it... nope, not a bloody thing. Had you going there for a second though, didn't I? No, I'm still back at the basics, all caught up with filling out the damn personal profile - this does not bode well for the future of my blogging empire. A simple question about my favourite books has turned into a quest through history to determine exactly what that book I enjoyed so much in year 9 was called, or that other one I read last year that had the guy who did that thing just before she came in and did her thing and then one of them died and then they all realised an important lesson and then it ended. Really, I don't need all this extra stress in my life! Decided to take a big step back and just leave it as it stands - 20 odd titles is probably a fairly good start, I’m not the bloody Times bestseller list (heaven forbid!).

Game On!

Well it's official; I've just reached new heights of ego-centric self indulgence. Me & my psyche have entered the blogosphere and we're taking no prisoners. Rather preoccupied by the possibility that this format almost lends an aura of legitimacy to my amateur navel gazing... scary stuff.

Still feeling my way around the blogging concept in general at this point - is it just a narcissistic journal exercise, is it a tree falling in the proverbially deserted forest, is it a apt medium of social commentary in our new techno-centric world order, is it tool of revolution?? Shite I don't know, I just want to see my name in print... or pseudonym, if we must be tediously accurate.

The best I can do at this juncture is promise to limit the number and frequency of those excruciatingly patronising emoticons (if you have to provide extra visual cues to inform your reader the proceeding passage was funny/ironic, chances are the problem is with your writing - not the audience's comprehension skills) and avoid any and all mention of reality TV shows, the shmucks in them, or discussions pertaining to whether or not one shmuck got with another shmuck and if this will ultimately effect their chances of becoming Lord of the Shmucks.