Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Tall Poppies

I was talking a little about this in my presentation yesterday and low and behold I've just stumbled across an English translation. Not being one to question fate, I thought I should post it.

Jantes Laven is VERY Danish. It is the precise embodiment of all things Danish and it drives me a little batty. I can recognise a strong correlation with a national characteristic we call Tall Poppy Syndrome in Australia, but this is a tad more extreme.

You shall not think that you are special
You shall not think that you are of the same standing as us
You shall not think that you are wiser than us
Don't fancy yourself as being better than us
You shall not think that you know more than us
You shall not think that you are more (important) than us
You shall not think that you are good at anything
You shall not laugh at us
You shall not think that anyone cares about you
You shall not think that you can teach us anything

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

yadda yadda yadda

Seinfeld: ehh. Can take it or leave it. "Heelloo Newman!" I'm ok. "No Jerry for you!" I'm ok. Whichever way the wind blows really.

One stand up joke that stuck with me though, was a bit Jerry did about public speaking. Try to bear with me now because I know I'm not going to deliver this to maximum effect, but it went something like:
"According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two fear is death. Death is number two!! Now, this means, to the average person, if you have to go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy!"

Now that speaks to me. I am downright, honest to God petrified of speaking in front of groups numbering larger than three. I shake, I mumble, I rush, I mis-time... basically I SUCK! It kills me because I kill on paper - oh for the love of all things good & pure, why can't all information just be forwarded non-verbally?!

Anywho, in case you haven't guessed, this blog is inspired by recent events; namely a presentation I had to give at Århus Uni this afternoon to a room full of budding Trainees. The unspeakable joy. Ok so I have to admit it wasn't all that bad - in comparison to some of the other total car crashes I've had in my short but illustrious public speaking career, it was actually quite passable. I didn't have to cling to a solid object to keep my legs from buckling, I only did the nervous shrieking exclamation thing once or twice, I got the occasional audience laugh (in appropriate places) and the organisers seemed sincere enough when they thanked me at the end (look, they gave my the chocolate - chocolate says 'passable' in my language). Two things screwed it for me though: 1) I was lying through my teeth, & 2) I actually said the words, "I'm funnier in the other hemisphere." I know, the decent into tragically un-hip (or just tragedy) shall be swift and cruel.

Lord, please let it be another 6 months before I have to do that again. I swear I'll give up the OC if you do this one little thing for me - that's a fair swap dude.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Snow Day

I officially declare today SNOW DAY! *insert wild cheering* Yes that's right kids, the 1st snow of winter has arrived - let's kill the fattened calf and feast upon nature's bounteous harvest!

Unfortunately not really picking up on any similarly jubilant vibes from my fellow citizens. They're much too cool (forgive the pun), they've seen it all before, they know what's going on... well in the immortal words of Barbara, "Ain't nobody gunna rain on my parade!" I'm digging out the mittens and digging into some serious powder baby!

A true product my toasty heritage, I was completely unprepared for the scene that greeted me outside my door this morning. Note to self: look out window before choosing outfit. Dressed in a hilariously inappropriate shift dress I waded bravely out into the elements only to find an ice patch a couple of metres later and wind up unceremoniously dumped on my ass. Note to self: find shoes with thick tread/tire chains. My clothes a little soggier, but not my spirits, I continued on my journey towards an odd snow-shovelling type machine which helpfully cleared the path ahead of me... and then dumped it promptly on my feet. Note to self: maintain a 5m distance (at least) between feet and snow throwing equipment. Luckily I get a lift to work with a colleague, so my (mis)adventure in the white stuff was fairly brief, but judging from the number of cars on the side of the road (in various states of trauma), the fun had just begun for a bunch of other people. Note to self: don't try to drive... no, don't even think about it girly.

A Queenslander in snow... as useless as a glass door on a dunny. If anyone's looking for me, I'll be outside making snow angels.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

99 bottles of beer on the wall...

Do you know the definition evil? No? Well let me fill you in - it's coming home just tanked enough to be convinced of your newest theory, but just not tanked enough to pass out before opening your blog to type it all down. Beelzebub, thy name is blog.

So here it is - I am so sick of people telling me their romantic lives are a merely a series of near misses. Is it not more accurate, or at least more quantifiable, to say it's a series of near hits (which is to say it is a series of hits that came close to not hitting, but hit all the same). Capisco? No?

Gee wizz, you have to spell things out for some people don't you?! Ok so let's start with the near miss supposition - for beginners, how do you know you 'just missed' or been 'just missed' most of the time? By definition, the entire (non) event probably played out in a space beyond your perception. For seconds, even if you do by chance recognise the phenomena occurring, who's to say that, should the situation be reversed and you 'catch' this illusive opportunity, it would prove beneficial to your romantic future? Perhaps the true hit was in the miss... if you get what I mean...

Which brings us to the whole crux of that statement - the complainant obviously feels their present would somehow be improved should cosmic forces have delivered an alternative outcome somewhere along the line - well that's just bullshit, isn't it. I mean if you're seriously going to follow this idea through to its logical conclusion, you'd have to go back to the said event and explore each of the multitude of possible outcomes. And this is where it gets crazy; each resulting scenario would produce another exponential group of events (which you could either 'hit' or 'miss') and so on and so forth. But we've all seen the movie haven't we? Point is, odds are you'd be no better off because inherently you'll always tend to make the same sort of choices – the human freaking psyche my friends - it's a bitch.

I think I'm sick of typing now and my bed looks like a life raft outta this existential storm. Sweet dreams.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Who's Afraid of Bridget Jones?

OK so this blog is probably more about assuaging some of the gauche guilt I feel regarding my dirty little Mills & Boon habit, but under the guise of academic critique, let’s consider for a minute a world where Maximillion Sterling and Dawn Hope are free to roam across the moors, without fear of attracting scorn from Aunt Steinem or Professor Times Literary Supplement.

This comes from an article written by Melanie La’Brooy, a self confessed Australian author of ‘Chic-lit’. Reading Mrs. Dalloway at the moment so a little pre-occupied with the gilded cage, biological realities & my life as a post neo feminista party gal...
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Critical contempt for the newly emerged Chic-lit genre seems to have less to do with its quality of writing than with the perceived politics and nature of the genre. In 1998, Time magazine asked "Is Feminism Dead?" before concluding it was, with specific reference to the popularity of Bridget Jones's Diary. In Britain, renowned writers such as Beryl Bainbridge have condemned the writing and reading of chick lit as a waste of time. Doris Lessing has referred to "instantly forgettable books" and regretted that "it's a pity that so many young women are writing like that".

In Australia, chick lit has sparked not so much public controversy as a strong sense of disdain among the literary community. It's true that in the rush to satisfy market demand, many inferior books that are insufficiently drafted, edited and scrutinised are published. But this criticism could be levelled at all genres; numerous literary novels fail to achieve their lofty ambitions, which in no way calls condemnation down upon their entire genre. So why is chick lit singled out for such hostility?

Chick lit crime No.1: Nice work if you can get it

I wonder if they are just writing like this because they think they are going to get published. – Doris Lessing

To assert that female writers are jumping on a bandwagon, in a desperate attempt to attain the Holy Grail of publication, is sexist in the extreme, implying women must write for a specific market to be published. Australian writing is rich with the voices of female writers across a diverse range of genres; Chick lit authors are but few among many. Produced by and for women, the gendered nature of chick lit should not be overlooked as one reason behind its dismissive treatment.

In her essay Romance in the Stacks, which appeared in the collection Scorned Literature, American librarian Alison M. Scott notes: "The scorn that romances garner relates substantively to the fact that romances are women's reading." She also quotes another source as saying: "Sociologists have long recognised a phenomenon called feminisation, which means that anything that becomes associated solely with women falls in general esteem." This may explain why science fiction, crime novels and thrillers (of which women are also prolific creators and voracious consumers) have not been subjected to similar scathing commentary. Romantic fiction is also the only genre to consistently place a woman at the centre of the narrative, to invariably make the hero subject to female desire and to unceasingly advocate a feminine ideal of masculine perfection that is the only widespread counterpoint to the paradigms of feminine perfection with which we are inundated every day. It's ironic that these novels, decried as anti-feminist, also bring to life Virginia Woolf's wistful musing: "Suppose, for instance, that men were only represented in literature as the lovers of women."

Chick lit crime No.2: You're so vain

Few women alive haven't dwelled on relationships or their appearance, but most manage to concern themselves with other things too. – Time magazine on Bridget Jones's Diary

Pointing out the glaringly obvious may be helpful in some contexts, but it is difficult to see the relevance of this comment as a useful critical tool. Chick lit is the sassy younger sibling of the romance novel and the dictionary defines romance as "that class of literature which consists of love stories; extravagant fiction, invention or story, wild or wanton exaggeration, a picturesque falsehood". It ought to be apparent, then, that on picking up a chick lit novel, one should reasonably expect to read a variation of an improbable narrative on the theme of romantic love. Complaining that the heroine of a chick lit novel is overly concerned with her love life is as pointless as becoming annoyed that Miss Marple pursued murderers with single-minded determination.

It is obviously not legitimate criticism that these novels are failing to meet the standards of their genre that is fuelling such comments but anger that this type of fiction is being produced at all. Yet is the articulation of a desire for a loving relationship, within the pages of a novel, necessarily antithetical to the aims of feminism? Does romantic idealism immediately polarise a desire for political, professional and social equality?

Chick lit is dismissed as anti-feminist because common to all of its protagonists is a belief in, and prioritisation of, the importance of romantic love. Few of us would dispute that this rates among life's more worthwhile endeavours, yet a feeling of unease ensues when this ideal is central to a novel. The suspicion arises that what is being promoted is the idea that no matter how professionally successful or happy in her platonic and familial relationships, a woman is unfulfilled without a man.

But if we accept that the elevation of the romantic ideal is the point of the genre and that a loving partnership is a widely valued aspiration in our society, what then is the answer? Will we be able to guiltlessly enjoy our fictional dreams of romance only when lesbian and gay romance novels are staples of the bestseller lists or when lad lit enjoys the same cultural resonance and market share as chick lit? Or should we place the escapist sensibility that underpins the demand for romance novels within a critical context that is wider than contemporary feminism? As journalist Paul Gray has noted in Time magazine: "The rift between those who dote on and those who disdain romance novels really centres on the question of fantasy and its proper place in adult imagination."

Chick lit crime No.3: T'aint what you do (it's the way that cha do it)

Scorn, ridicule, derision, after all, keep the scorned object in its place, thereby implying that the object has some ability to threaten the power structure that scorns it. – Sarah S.G. Frantz

Why are contemporary fictional women, placed firmly within the context of a romantic novel, considered a fair target while Emma Bovary, Anna Karenina and Isabelle Archer (to cite just three women who allowed passion and a desire to follow romantic destiny overcome reason) are considered heroines? Why is it that the only acceptable form of a literary heroine focused on love is in tragic guise? Arguably the greatest point of difference between chick lit novels and their literary antecedents is the ability of the modern protagonist to laugh at herself.

But while the goals of feminism and literature are serious, the aims of entertainment and chick lit do not preclude women's issues being treated with wit and insight. Perhaps chick lit's greatest achievement is restoring humour to the contemporary love story. Those who bemoan the popularity of chick lit novels as the harbinger of feminist doom could do worse than to rethink their prejudices. Now that the bodice constraining notions of femininity and feminism has been ripped open and we can breathe freely again, wouldn't it be better if we saved our breath for intelligent debate and criticism?

It's not that as authors and readers we want our light entertainment to be taken seriously but a lessening of the vitriol and a measure of professional respect is long overdue. Because otherwise I'll be forced to take you out the back and beat you around the head with my pink handbag. And, really, that won't get us anywhere at all.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

juvira internet cafe, prague, czech republic, 1:30pm

The next installment of my friend Sam's travelogue arrived and I enjoyed it just as much as the 1st, so thought I'd pass it on again. If anything he's getting more verbose so I've taken the liberty of cutting out a few sentences here and there, to try to keep it to a readable length (yes, it was even longer!) - hope he doesn't disapprove. I suppose this is the definition of lazy blog-keeping...
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Dear readers,

That last email was a bit crap wasn't it? (though comparisons to nineteenth century literature are always appreciated) Big on impressions, small on detail. I was exhausted after writing the first few hundred words and I did you all a disservice by signing off before giving you a richer description of Berlin. However, I was surprised at how much I enjoyed writing it so I've decided to write down my thoughts as they occur rather than try to recall when I have the luxury of reflection. I might enter them as they appear in my notebook or edit them into some kind of composition.

First thoughts

The cold air carries the glow from the street lamps off into the night sky. The whole train station is illuminated by white light...
Enter the Metro via the longest, steepest escalator I've ever seen. Already feeling anxious, the correlation to the descent into Hades is obvious...
All the signs are in Cyrillic- the backwards looking Russian alphabet where Ps are Rs and Ns are Ps. every word looks like anagrams of Depeche Mode...
Beginning to recognize the names of train stations, or solving the mystery of a word by playing Wheel of Fortune with the letters i already know...
People look "dodgy". Poor. Glum...

Feels very much like Shanghai. Has that same post-communist atmosphere. Everything looks the same. Everyone dresses similarly. Conservatively. Cheaply. The streets are unclean. No one dresses flamboyantly, or even stylishly. It's all very tacky. No one seems to have the financial, social freedom to express themselves. It looks like they're all working so hard just to get by. Here the people just seem so run down. Well the majority do. The rest are working just as hard so they can spend it. The disparity between the very rich and the very poor in Moscow is astounding.

Had organized a place to stay via Couchsurfing. Made it to the local metro station but got hopelessly lost after this. Decided to stay awake until we registered our visas. According the rough guide it is now the responsibility of the police to do this. The police we asked either ignored us, or told us forcibly to go away. With the aid of a very kind muscovite eventually found a visa registry office. Spent two hours in a queue waiting to be processed. Joined what we thought was the end of the queue but it didn't seem to earn that status until people started coming into the office and demanding to be served before others whom were already waiting. Presumably this was because they had been there earlier and reserved a place, then left to run some other errands. There was much disagreement over whether or not this was acceptable. Two foreigners waiting patiently in line with ten kilo backpacks seemed to become the supporting evidence for those who thought it wasn't. Imagine the sugar lines, indeed. Eventually served only to be told that they won't do it. We would have to go to the business listed on the visa invitation to have them register it. We hadn't slept in over thirty hours. Agreed to take a taxi. Mute driver turns out to be very helpful. Goes out of his way to take us all the way to the front door and then only charges us $15. Travel agency confirms that they sent us the invitations but they can't process it either. We will have to go to a youth hostel. They arranged the reservations and an English speaking taxi to take us there. English speaking taxi is a brand new Lexus. Costs us almost $40 to go back across town to the traveller's guest house- the tenth floor of a dilapidated Russian council flat. The guest house charges us another $40 for one night's accommodation and visa processing. Jess goes straight to sleep. I stay awake until nightfall wondering what the hell I'm doing here.

Incredible how big a part a home plays in your psychological well being. Yesterday lying on a lumpy bed, aghast at the thought of staying in Moscow for any longer than two days, now in the apartment of out original host, our packs of our backs for the first time in two days, Moscow seems ok. The city looks ready to discover. The girlfriend of our host puts on a spread of salad, stuffed and pickled vegetables, sauerkraut and mashed potatoes, the first proper meal I've eaten since leaving home. Today is a public holiday. The public holiday used to be on the Monday. It was the day of accord and yeah whatever...., the anniversary of the revolution's birth. But now the holiday had been changed to the Friday and removed of its communist significance. No one we ask seems to know why.

Moscow not the gulag I might have you imaging. It's really a hyper consumerist theme park where all the remaining soviet monuments, and I'm sure that most of them have remained, have all the cultural significance of Mickey Mouse. No disrespect to Walt Disney. Designer labels abound in the heart of Moscow. Advertisements, unbelievably raunchy advertisements, are plastered all over the glorious metro stations which otherwise resemble the courts of King Louis xiv. Banners are strung up above the streets one after another, like waves coming into shore. The young, over-sexed Gucci-clad girl and her fatigues wearing 'private security' boyfriend are the perfect image of the new Russia. As far as the old ones go, Red Square is impressive. Not as ominous as I imagined. Though the basilica of St. Peter comes close to perfection in its confectionery castle splendour.

Most days temperature between 6-10 degrees. Not really feeling the cold. Apparently it should be snowing by now but they had an odd autumn.

Spent the last three days in a torpor. The initial relief of moving in with Tor and Marscha resided. We stayed with them for the duration of the long weekend but they spent most of it locked away in their room. Their offer to show us around never eventuated. They share their flat with two other people, but at different times housed up to eight guests during our stay. We would wake at eleven, leave by twelve. By now the metro doesn't pose a problem but even with the address of the restaurant we get horribly lost as soon as we go above ground. It takes us on average two to three hours to find what we are looking for. The streets literally have no names here. Not even in Cyrillic it seems. They are advertised in both languages from a distance - Pavletskaya St. 50m----> - but they are so often confused or contradictory. At the restaurants all the menus are in Cyrillic. It's difficult to know what you're ordering and how much it will cost. We only frequent the cheapest of establishments but even they share a system whereby you have the food you point to, served up from the buffet, weighed on scales and then charged according to the mass of your meal. In some places the plates are as big as dog's bowls so you always feel you're being ripped off. It always costs more than you hoped. It seems impossible to eat in a restaurant for less than $10 a head. That's not a lot but in Berlin we would spend half that and it would be guaranteed to taste twice as good. The absurd thing is that you can step out into the street and buy the same beer you bought inside for a third of the price- another thing Moscow has in common with Shanghai. By the third day we have taken to buying a baguette, a block of cheese, a slab of salami and premixed gin and tonic at the local store and spending the afternoon enjoying our own company in a park near the Kremlin. My flaneurs desire to explore this city has faded away. Every sight seeing prospect promises to be a frustrating experience. I no longer have any desire to try.

Moved in with another Couchsurfer. A twenty three year old architect named Nadi. We all spend the first night together in a very satisfying conversation. I want to know if she feels safe in this city where everyone looks pissed off, the police carry machine guns and the department stores all have walk through metal detectors at the entrance. "People are scared so they act scary" she says. "The generation in power now were all adolescents, young adults when the Soviet Union fell. They were deprived of educations. Many turned to crime and became very successful at it. Business was conducted with stand over tactics. The police were mercenaries. Everything became about money and so today everyone moves to Moscow to try and make money. They all work hard so they can make money and they're all scared that someone will come and take it away from them again. That's why it's a shitty city. No one wants you to talk to them. Everyone wants their own freedom. In communist times you were supposed to go outside, you were supposed to communicate, you were supposed to be at one with everyone. Now people just want to be alone. Everyone's arrrghhhhh! That's why they look pissed off". She was so reluctant to discuss these issues or to answer questions about Perestroika, Yeltsin, Putin but I was so grateful for her opinion. Some vindication of my initial thoughts.

Second night in St. Petersburg.

I have the urge to write. I'm such a moody writer and it wasn't until the gorgeousness I just witnessed that I felt the need to pick up the pen again. Parted ways with Jess after dinner. Couldn't bear to spend another night in someone's apartment listening to bleak music and drinking red wine. From where I was on the main street, an alley elbowed out and took me to the Church of Spilled Blood, another gingerbread castle perhaps even more impressive than the one in Red Square and branching out in every direction- canals and cobble stone streets. It's old Europe just behind the glitter strip. If this is an indication of what to expect in Italy, I can't wait to get there. I follow my eyes through these streets. There across the river Neva is the fortress of Peter and Paul. Just like on my map. So this building behind me must be the Hermitage and that's the Admiralty so the dome next to it is St. Isaac's. See these town squares. Look at the lights. This city is the grandest I've seen yet. Sorry to be hyperbolic but Moscow was a toilet compared to this. On first impressions you might say that St. Petersburg is to Moscow what Melbourne is to Sydney. Younger, more cultured, so proudly European.

Our time in Moscow evidently didn't get any better. Even with the sympathy gifted us by Nadi, it was no easier to get through the day there. She took us to a cafe called faq (pronounced, well you can use your imagination). Laid out like a bunker in a side street under the red stars of the Kremlin, connected by corridors you have to crouch down to pass through. The decor was different in every room, a decaying library, a cyber punk nest. The food was divine and the prices reasonable although the servings were small. We ended eating nearly every meal here for the last four days of our stay. We very rarely left our seats. The only other thing that made Moscow bearable was an excursion to a performance of Swan Lake by the Bolshoi ballet. Not at the Bolshoi unfortunately. That's closed for renovations, but we did see the principle company perform and it was an unforgettable experience. Inventive set designs, extraordinary choreography, an excellent setting for listening to Tchaikovsky. It was a little disillusioning to find ourselves in a crowd consisting mainly of American students and Chinese business men, but it really is something that every foreigner should see. I really enjoyed the physicality of it all. The scuffle of the shoes on stage. The pounding of the dancer's chests. I didn't follow the story and I tended to watch the supporting cast more than the leads at times. Your mind does tend to wander too but in the pleasing, inspired sort of way. I don't think I'll be seeing another one in Russia though. I'll save the rest of the money in my cultural budget for a trip to the Hermitage. Tomorrow perhaps if I can keep myself off the streets. It's such a pleasure to just walk around after spending so much time seeking refuge in Moscow. Next stop will be Prague at this stage. Trains to Eastern Europe only come and go into Moscow so a short flight might be needed.

Sitting in the doorway between two the two rooms of Darscha bar waiting for my host Darya. Have an hour and a half to kill, will try to do it with words. Yesterday there was talk of a day being spent walking in the Pushkin gardens and visiting a palace. Sounded nice. The invitation came from friends of Darya's but they cancelled early in the morning due to poor weather. Continued the tradition of sleeping in till midday. We seem to spend twelve hours on our feet and twelve on our backs. Darya piped up around one with another suggestion; a trip to the markets. Special markets run by the homeless and alcoholics apparently. Blue noses she called them because, well its pretty self explanatory. Jess seemed enthusiastic at first but later declined to go. Said she was sick. Might be but she has been acting strangely. Something not lost on Darya who does not like, or react well to, Jess's sarcasm and misanthropy. So we two took the train further into the northern (are they always poorer?) suburbs. Upon exiting the metro we were met with a typical Sunday market. Temporary stalls selling fruits, clothes, pirated DVDs, soviet memorabilia. We passed this by and crossed over to the wrong side of the tracks. Here was a one kilometre stretch of, on this occasion, mud, populated on both sides by babushkas and factory workers; their tarps laid out, junk for sale. Machine parts, cutlery, toys, pornography, soviet memorabilia. Though the latter in this place had the appearance of authenticity. Maybe they were selling granddad's medals. Others were off-loading Russian coins dating back to the eighteenth century. I was quite taken with all this history and when I turned my back Darya bought me an old coin commemorating the one hundredth anniversary of Lenin's birth. I'm quite indifferent to this sort of communist fetishism but I appreciated the thought immensely.

Left after an hour of wading till our boots were brown, to join other friends of Darya's for afternoon tea. Ended up at the Shingle Inn of St Petersburg. The staff exit the kitchen with bread boards bearing piping hot pastries and dispense them right onto the mahogany counter top. You file past and take your pick. Seems you could have your choice of any fish from the gulf of Finland cooked in one of these pies. Purchased one sweet and one savoury with a latte for less than $7 and savoured them in the company of some very lively young Russians. Everything about Petersburg seems so much more light-hearted than Moscow. Taking a post-dining walk I spotted a poster that warranted a double take. In Cyrillic I thought it read Jane Birkin. I asked if I was right and I was (it reminds me of learning hiragana on the yamamote line in Tokyo). She was playing this Saturday and Darya was already going. A fan obviously. We are bonding very well. After farewelling the last friend decided to see Last Days, the new-ish film by Gus van Sant but we missed the last session. Headed instead to her favourite bar; a wonderfully seedy little place with chequered floors and paisley wallpaper. The second room, the one I'm currently half-in, half-out contains a foosball table around which there is some very serious competition. These guys have their own shirts printed. Spent hours discussing the usual with this 27 year old philosophy graduate, call centre operator and globetrotter. She has been extremely hospitable to date. She has a friend that works at the Hermitage who might be able to sneak me in for a private tour.

....An aside. The jukebox here in Darscha just strung together the velvet underground and the Rolling Stones and the punters are breaking out in dance wherever they can find space.

Today.

First stop ticket office. Jane Birkin seats secured. Jess is coming after I described Jane as the French Marianne faithful. I took jess to the Australian embassy I'd discovered on one of my walks. They'll let here take her uni interviews via the phone there. Then off to Czech air, then Pulkovo. I'm flying to Prague on Sunday. Jess probably won't be joining me. We plan to do Italy together in a few weeks but before then I'd rather see Prague, Vienna, Krakow? Budapest? and she Istanbul, Croatia, Romania. Took in Last Days together afterwards. Is it possible to like a film you didn't enjoy watching? Or rather, is it possible to ignore your gut reaction to a film in favour of a more analytical response? I was left feeling so tired and weary by this one. Speechless like I was after watching the same director's elephant last year but I wonder if that's an unavoidable result of watching a junk-sick musician stumble around his estate before committing suicide for ninety minutes. Otherwise he just uses the same formal techniques he did in the previous film but unlike elephant, where the same incident viewed from a number of perspectives deepened the tragedy by implicating more victims in the shootings, in the context of this film, the repetition of minutiae just seemed so pointless. I'm always uncomfortable with accusations of pretentiousness and exploitation so I won't make them myself, but I hope Gus limits his young-men-surrendering-to-death series of films to a trilogy.

Which brings me up to date here in Darscha, waiting for Darya. In an unexpected, unwelcome and unbearably eerie turn of events Darya came to the club shortly after only to whisk me outside. Something awful had happened she said, and we had to leave. Jess appeared. Darya explained that a friend of hers, a student, musician, activist, a food-not-bombs sort of kid, had been murdered in the streets the previous night. A gang of fascists approached him and another guy outside a bookstore and stabbed him in the neck five times. She was taking us to another bar were all of his friends were in mourning. I've been known to deride people for wearing all black all the time and listening to depressing music, but then and there it seemed more than appropriate for once. The sadness in the room was palpable. A group of maybe thirty friends were siting, drinking, huddled and crying. A dj was playing every sad song he owned. The walls were covered in photos of the deceased. During a run of particularly miserable Morrissey hits I started to cry. Far too much exposure to dead boys for one evening. If I had read about this in the Moscow times it would have been just another piece of vitriol saved from that city but in St. Petersburg it seems so unlikely, so cruel. Is all Russia really as bad as I think it is?

The days after this saw a marked change in dynamics. Something changed in the somewhat tense relationship between Jess, Darya and I. Jess and I became closer again, perhaps because we were both starting to be irritated by Darya suddenly (in my experience, maybe jess felt it from the start) playing coy all the time. She became very irritating to be around. Maybe she sensed this because without telling us she moved out for a few nights leaving Jess and I in her apartment. We didn't really see her again until last night at Jane Birkin. It was a good show. She doesn't own the greatest voice in music, but she was very charming in between songs, and besides you can't really spoil Serge Gainsbourg songs.

Earlier in the week Darya told us we could spend one hour or one week in the hermitage depending on what you wanted to see. Jess and I left ourselves three hours on our last afternoon. It really is an extraordinary building, filled with an unbelievable amount of treasures, but it was almost tedious given the mood we were in. I enjoyed a large collection of Matisse's but we were out of there almost as fast as the characters race through the louvre in 'bande a part'. So much missed but Jane was worth it. Caught the first Sunday train to the airport and made it with half an hour to spare. Two hours and no sleep later here I am in Prague. Alone and feeling very uneasy about it. I hope it's only travelling blues. Again I could go on, but I refuse to pay these people for anymore than three hours. I just know I've left things out. Like, remind me to tell you about going to the opera at the Mariinsky theatre next time, ok? k.

Miss you all,
sam

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Cookies are a sometimes food?

Well doesn’t my last entry read like I’m some sad old sod?! Feeling just as resolute but a little less manic today. Had my 1st 12hr sleep in… Lord I don’t know how long, but I’m fairly sure it was well before everyone started getting excited about birds catching the sniffles… and I feel fine. Really should give up the batman hours.


Inserting this little picture to lighten the mood in here somewhat & well – because it’s Thanksgiving stoopid. (Oh & because I’m pissed off @ Jim Henderson & co. for sending Cookie Monster on a diet!) Not a holiday I celebrate, but I offer my most hearty congratulations to anyone who wants to consume all those carbs in one sitting. Cheers guys.

By way of small clarification after yesterday's sudden torrent, I just wanted to reassure one & all that if someone should happen to walk up to me on the street today and ask,

"Hey Brown Pie Piece, do you like your life?"

I would most honestly and resoundingly reply;

"Why yes, odd stranger who somehow cleverly (and disturbingly) decoded my alias and tracked me down to this little street, I'm having a corker! How 'bout yourself?"

At which point we'd enjoy a lovely long conversation over some Chai lattes at the nearest Baresso.

What's got me trippin’ (to borrow from the parlance of my generation), is that ever present & eternal(ly cliche) conflict between choosing an easy life and a life of meaning. I just can’t help hoping there’s something more. Oh God, just re-read that and I sound like a prime candidate for one of Anthony Robbins' taped lecture series – I’m stopping right now before I throw myself from this 2nd story office window (mainly because the jump would not kill me & I’d be left in hospital for weeks on end with nothing to do but contemplate these depressing thoughts).

Tuesday, November 22, 2005

buzz buzz

I’m buzzing today. The synapses are snapping; blood pushing forth along blooming capillaries, driven by some internal centripetal force… like a hammer being spun with increasing speed, rising and falling in its orbit, frustrated in its release. The circular motion is important.

But it’s a quiet fission. I don’t want to share this mounting energy... well not verbally at least – in a stroke of luck for you dedicated punters, I have no qualms about releasing this wave upon unsuspecting paper (binary code, electronic impulses- have it as you will). I’m rather intrigued myself to see what I’ll find in the wash.

Frustrating my attempts, is a head in disarray. I’m a mess of ideas, none of which I seem to have the discipline or focus to follow through to conclusion. I’m grabbing at a baker’s dozen of topics, memories, random moments of inspiration & half baked theories (phiff – I’ve never felt that cliché like I do right now) in some mad rush to define my present, collate my past, spin my future.

I feel the need to use the word torpor. I think that’s what I’ve been in for longer than I’d care to admit. Once again, I’m displeased with the direction of this very blog. I know I never will be – that’s the saboteur within. Nevertheless, I have again regrettably fallen into trite autobiographical indulgences. Autobiographical wouldn’t be so bad if I was more… funny I suppose. Perhaps my displeasure has more to do with the fact I’m always secretly incensed by the limitations of my own intellectual faculties. I’ve been lazy. Dead lazy.

Damn it, it’s all floating away from me as I type. I’m remembering poetry I wrote when I was 19 and in love for the 1st time – it wasn’t all bad. Silver spoons and St Lucia jacarandas. Further back, death and gardeners. Plant life, it seems, has always held a fascination for me.

I’m treading water, wasting time, making excuses & dare I say it – waiting to be rescued. Oh not in that traditional, white steed & fairy prince way, but I am waiting for some miraculous event or opportunity to present itself and sweep me off my feet. My life lacks a consuming passion and I’m beginning to feel its absence keenly. I’m reading a play by Goethe at the moment, Egmont, and a passage where the lead protagonist (Count Egmont) is explaining to his servant why he will not make the safe choice and flee town, meant something to me this morning as I was sleepily making my way into work.

Child, child! Say no more! As if lashed on by invisible spirits, the Sun-god’s coursers of the times carry the light chariot of our destiny on in their headlong gallop; and there is nothing we can do save, ready and bold, to grasp the reins and guide the wheels now left, now right, here from a rock, there from a plunge. Who knows whence he is bound? Scarcely can he remember whence he came.
The intrepid sentiment stirs me, but I don’t feel my destiny is rushing anywhere (interesting) at a headlong gallop. In my brief experience, I have grasped the reins and guided the wheels, only to find the new path I’ve chosen does not hold whatever it is I’m still looking for. It seems to me I enjoy throwing everything into turmoil with wild manoeuvres, but quickly tire of the open road. This is why I’m beginning to think the problem lies with how I actually perceive the nature of each change, and correspondingly, the real effect it will have on my life.

Let’s take the most obvious example for a sec: moving overseas. Ok I’ve done it twice now and I plan to do it again at the beginning of next year. I love that constant stimulation when I first arrive, the uncertainty and challenges, but it all wears off in about 4 months (tops) and I’m already looking for the next destination. The decision to move OS is obviously a superficial answer to the problem. I need to be making more significant changes which have less to do with geographic location and more to do with… well I don’t know – I guess that’s what this bloody rant is about. What I do know is that I’m going to stop ignoring the bloody problem and start trying to actively address it everyday – for sure it’s not going to solve itself. Anyway that’s why I’m buzzing – I’ve started thinking again.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Let's hear it for the Boys

I am almost comatose with exhaustion but I just have to share my gooey feelings of love for boys - or more specifically my boy-friends. For some reason, since becoming a professional ex-pat and all round international woman of mystery, most of my really great new friends have been guys. Probably not that unusual for most swinging sisters out there, but then again, most other normally functioning 25yr olds gals weren't subjected to the dour ministerings of Sr. Sue & Mezza Shezza for the duration of their adolescence. I could go into ball-shrivelling detail but given my current state of fatigue I'll just paraphrase their primary message: boys bad, boys evil, boys not to be trusted.

Many an old school chum complains of much the same symptoms but basically it all boils down to one thing for us - we still tend to see men as these completely foreign creatures. Hard to relate to foreigners sometimes isn't it? Yeah well imagine they're actually from another planet and you don't have a phrase book... oh, and you’re both naked - having fun yet?

But I digress. Despite a long term boyfriend and a whole lot of practice, I think I was 22 before I stopped freaking out every time a strange person with a penis approached me for a chat. Sad, very sad. Anyway now I've relaxed and removed the giant pole from my sphincter, I'm beginning to realise just how much fun I've been missing out on all these years! Boys way rock! My Polish posse in Shanghai totally kicked ass & took such great care of me - those guys will be forever on my Christmas card list and in my heart. And once again, I find my life in Denmark has been saved by a bunch of kind-hearted, y chromosome sporting, alien brothers who entertain me muchly (even if one of them does hail from *shudder* New Zealand).

So this weekend 2 male mates from back home, who are now based in London, popped over for a visit. It was AWESOME! Haven't laughed (or drank) that much in ages. I guess it's always nice to hang with some other Vegemite-eaters after months alone with the frikedeller-feeders, but I’d like to think there was something more to it than that. To tell you the truth they were both more acquaintances than firm friends, but we all hit it off so well I thought it quite strange at times when I couldn’t automatically recall small things like where they grew up or what their last girlfriend was called. Conversation ebbed and flowed and the details which usually fill that anxious space when you 1st meet a person, fell naturally from conversation like the tinted leaves of November (leave me alone – I’m allowed to throw in a whimsical simile every now & again). It was a big warm hug for my soul.

I miss Aussie guys; their unremorseful perving, 12th man quotes, ridiculous distortion of the English language, self-depreciating humour, fan-tabuolous drinking skills, gregarious sociability, spontaneous Hunters & Collectors singing, constant ribbing and silly debates about cars. Of course I did nothing but complain about them for 22 years back home, and no doubt I’ll begin to loath them again the moment I return, but deep, deep down I’ll always know – they’re 10 times more fun than these Danish drips. I can’t wait till February!

Sunday, November 20, 2005

I pity da fool!

Mr T is just my cup of tea. Check it out kids.

Friday, November 18, 2005

Eye of the Tiger

Do you know what I think has been one of the toughest parts of 'growing up' for me - learning to relenquish the need to be loved by everyone. Argh, it's a truely incidious handicap because it manifests itself in so many nasty ways. For a start it persuades me to avoid conflict if at all possible - which in turn means I rarely stand up for myself or assert my own needs.

Actually I don't want to talk about this bs - all I'm really doing here is procrastinating in an attempt to delay the moment I have to walk into my boss's office & convince him to give me something I don't think he really wants to give me... but I want it & I need it & I've earnt it & what's the bloody harm in asking again... oh God I'm going to be sick. Must not back down, must not back down, must not back down.

Lord, where is the Rocky soundtrack when you need it?

Thursday, November 17, 2005

The cup of life! Allez, allez, allez!

It's not often you'll hear me quote Ricky Martin but I think yesterday's big news warrants a bit of Latin excitement. That's right, for the 1st time since 1974, Australia has qualified for the Soccer World Cup... ole, ole, ole.

Now my nation has never been that enamored of the world's most widely played sport, however I'm willing to bet that by the time the Socceroos kick off in Germany next year, every man woman & child from Ballarat to Broome will be able to list game & player statistics from the intervening 32 years. Screw the 'battlers' - we like a winner. It brings to mind the hilarity of watching my compatriots excitably trying to wrap their heads around aerial skiing when some freakish Aussie lass (with the whitest teeth you have ever seen) started winning gold medals at the last couple of winter Olympics. Half these earnest aficionados had never seen snow in their life!

"O, swear not by the Aussie supporter (sic), the fickle Aussie supporter (sic), the inconstant Aussie supporter (sic), that monthly changes in her circle orb, Lest that thy love prove likewise variable."

To be fair, for a country that has taken it's sporting prowess so much for granted in the last decade, the 2004/2005 season was tough. As though losing the 2003 Rugby World Cup to Jonny Wilkinson (aka England) wasn't enough, the Ashes fell to the Brits as well in September - for the 1st time in my lifetime! Add to that humiliating losses in the Tri Nations & Bledisloe tournaments, and it's enough to make a gal want to defect to New Zealand.

So go the mighty Roos, I say. I have no time for those cocky Uruguayan players and their downright rude supporters anyway- mash 'em to a pulp boys! Now if you'll excuse me...

Offside Offence: A player in an offside position is only penalised if, at the moment the ball touches or is played by one of his team, he is, in the opinion of the referee, involved in active play by:
*interfering with play or
*interfering with an opponent or
*gaining an advantage by being in that position

Wednesday, November 16, 2005

What's that Skip? There's a boy down a well?

I've got my marketing hat on today (I look good in hats... I should really wear hats more often...hmmm) - there's been a call to arms from the Kangaroo Industry Association of Australia to help them come up with a palatable and exotic name for kangaroo meat. I can see their point - we don't eat pig, cow or sheep do we? Anyway given their clear weakness in the snappy-name-giving department (KIA of A for heaven's sake?!), I've been giving it some thought.

Apparently 'Marsu' (abbreviation of marsupial perhaps?) is a front runner and 'Skippy-steaks' has been categorically vetoed. Out of force of habit I went back to the Latin derivative and came up with 'Macropus' (long foot), but that's really not much more imaginative than 'Marsu', is it? Since I was ruthlessly pillaging other languages for inspiration anyway, I thought I might as well head straight to the source and try for an Aboriginal translation. 'Ganurru', meaning large black kangaroo in Guugu Yimidhirr dialect, appeals to me more. It comes from an Aboriginal mob in the cape region of Queensland, near present day Cooktown. This was the area where Captain Cook 1st landed in 1788, and thus where the European fleet was 1st exposed to Aboriginal languages. Given the phonetic similarities between the Guugu Yimidhirr term and the Anglicised version, it's generally accepted that this is where the word Kangaroo was born.

Yes, I think I like it a lot. Just like all those other foodie terms, to the average consumer it will appear to have absolutely no connection to the actual substance itself, or the animal from whence it came. So that narrows it down to 2: Ganurru or keef. Time to forward my entries methinks - fame, glory, fortune & immortality shall soon be mine!

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

The Truth Is Out There

I am deeply suspicious of the random play function in Windows Media Player. Many, many very dedicated work hours have been spent downloading music from the web, and I must say, I'm rather proud of the 3000 or so odd songs I've (somewhat illegally) acquired. Why then, when I whack on the random play, do I tend to hear very similar play lists from day to day? Is there some statistical abnormality/trend/truism here that I'm missing? (*shiver* was never very good with stats - please explain in little words)

At the risk of betraying an unhealthy leaning towards anthropomorphism - maybe my laptop's trying to tell me something... maybe Matilda doesn't like my taste in music... hmmm...

It's a mystery wrapped in an enigma & presented in a riddle.

Monday, November 14, 2005

re-Joyce

In my web wanderings today I read about a little exercise called Page 123. Not sure what the purpose is, but let's trust the good people of blog-land and go with it.

Here are the instructions...
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next three sentences on your blog along with these instructions.
5. Don't you dare dig for the "cool" or "intellectual" book on your shelf! I know you were thinking about it. Just grab whatever is closest.

So here is my contribution...

It is a solemn question, Stephen, because on it may depend the salvation of your eternal soul. But we will pray to God together. He held open the heavy hall door and gave his hand as if already to a companion in the spiritual life.
A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man - James Joyce

Well F me. Is that not the most awesome writing you've ever had the privilage to read? I know Joyce sounds like a bit of an arty-farty choice, but I honestly started re-reading this book while I was in Ireland a month ago and I've really been taking my time studying the text this time 'round. Usually if I find a passage in a book I really like, or find thought provoking, or simply can't make head nor tail of - I underline it with pencil. Well let's just say, my copy of A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man looks like a 5 year old has got a hold of it and gone to town on the contents with her crayola box (from the Intro right through to the Notes people).

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Pygmalion

A friend's suggestion for how I can improve my Danish...

1. Engelsk for begyndere: (for beginners)
Tre hekse ser på tre swatch-ure. Hvilken heks ser på hvilket swatch-ur?
Og dette nu på engelsk: Three witches watch three swatch watches. Which witch watch which swatch watch?

2. Engelsk for viderekommende: (advanced english)
Tre kønsopererede hekse ser på tre swatch-ure-knapper. Hvilken kønsopererede heks ser på hvilken swatch-ur-knap?
Det hele igen på engelsk: Three switched witches watch three Swatch watch switches. Which switched witch watch which Swatch watch switch?

3. Engelsk for eksperter: (expert english)
Tre schweiziske hekse-kællinger, som ønskede at være kønsopererede schweiziske hekse-kællinger, ønsker at se på schweiziske swatch-ure-knapper. Hvilken schweizisk hekse-kælling, som ønskede at være en kønsopereret schweizisk hekse-kælling, ønsker at se på hvilken schweizisk swatch-ure-knap?
... og igen på engelsk: Three swiss witch-bitches, which wished to be switched swiss witch-bitches, wish to watch three swiss Swatch watch switches. Which swiss witch-bitch which wishes to be a switched swiss witch-bitch, wishes to watch which swiss Swatch watch switch?
______________________________________________________________

Hehehehe - this is such a f-ed up oompa-loompa language!

Friday, November 11, 2005

Sisters Aren't Doing It For Themselves

Germaine freaking Greer. What a tosser. Once again she's made one of her notorious hit and run tours of the 'home country' and we're all left scratching our heads, putting our bras back on and researching ways to revoke her citizenship.

So I'll admit that back in my naive, neo-feminista, 'anti-everything my mother held dear and pro-everything she didn't' phase, I heralded Greer's name from on high. I mean, how great was that symbol of dissent for an Australian teenaged girl locked in constant battle with her ultra conservative family? Not just a ball busting, taboo breaking, intellectually erudite (forgive me - I was young) feminist pin up girl - but an Australian one! Anyway I had lots of fun debating very loudly and earnestly, the various merits of Germaine's radical philosophies... right up until the time I actually started reading her frighteningly illogical and patently one-sided rhetoric.

I will concede that she may have had something back there in the 70's with The Female Eunuch, but these days Greer's feminism merely constitutes one of the worst examples of Western indulgence. It's not so much what she says that matters - for it's all rather farcical these days - but what she (and many other so-called feminists) do not say that betrays how she (& feminism?) has lost her way. Actually now I think of it, retrospective readings of Greer's great manifesto have revealed she was never such a great feminist anyhow. She was almost exclusively interested in the sexual liberation of women and all those nitty-gritty details, such as the continued implementation of honour-killings in Muslim societies, kind of got pushed to the side. If we're honest about it, her writing hasn't evolved much, it's rather that we - her readers, her world - have transformed around her. Whilst her disjointed, dubiously researched, strategically vague and often contradictory ramblings certainly had a place in the raw, revolutionary atmosphere of the 70's – they’re irrelevant at very best in contemporary feminist dialogue.

Last week she told her audience: "The intellect is a little bit like sexual ability: use it or you lose it." True enough and nice work if you can get it, but hardly cutting-edge feminism at work. Back in Australia, the silence of the feminists and others on egregious cultural issues is having devastating consequences for women. Australian feminism has been hijacked by a soft Left loathing of Western culture, a romanticisation of 'other' (especially indigenous) cultures and a trend towards cultural relativism where it is just fine to use culture as an excuse. But criticise another culture? No way. Indeed, the "culture made me do it" defence is now an essential part of any lawyer's armoury. And you can hardly blame a bloke for trying it on. After all, our persisting cultural cringe about imposing our values on those who do not share them is such that these claims are often successful.

Personally I still find this a very difficult topic to discuss. As a white upper-middle class Australian woman, the tightrope I feel I’m walking between condescension, cultural insensitivity & common sense is often supremely stifling. It used to be an internal conflict I crudely resolved by staunchly adopting a far left, almost militantly liberal position, no matter what the argument. A few more years and a lot more life-experience however, and I find myself forced into an uncomfortable position between a fear of emulating the mistakes of my forebears and a terror of adding my voice to a disingenuous cultural discourse which is spiralling out of relevance, powered by empty politically correct sentiment. To tell you the truth I’m still feeling my way around – saying the wrong things to the wrong people, confusing my message, getting those ‘what the…?’ looks and regularly surprising myself with a complete about face on many of the issues and values I once thought to be non-negotiable. But that’s all a part of growing up right, and not the topic of the hour. What should concern us is that this Liberal loathing of Western culture has become an instrument of oppression and while feminists such as Greer are harping on about the irrelevant, our oppressed sisters continue to suffer - they need our support, not our silence.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

Antipodean Anxiety

Australian history is almost always picturesque; indeed, it is also so curious and strange, that it is itself the chiefest novelty the country has to offer and so it pushes the other novelties into second and third place. It does not read like history, but like the most beautiful lies; and all of a fresh new sort, no mouldy old stale ones. It is full of surprises and adventures, the incongruities, and contradictions, and incredibilities; but they are all true, they all happened.

Mark Twain, More Tramps Abroad, London, 1897

Perhaps it's a symptom of that time honoured Australian tradition of cultural-cringe, but I tend to forget that we have been (& still are?) a destination of some interest to quite a few famous modern writers (Michener, Kipling, A.C. Doyle and Lawrence, to name but a few). Now I'm not going to pretend I'm any huge fan of Twain - it's not that I don't like his work, it's more that I don't love it - however I will confess to a involuntary ripple of patriotic pride when I discovered he considered us worthy of this... rather obtuse scribble. I suppose I’m pleased the passage found me, but I really wish I hadn’t thought too much about its premise because now it’s just annoying me. After all, it's a rather backhanded compliment isn't it? Mr Twain has merely restated up one of the great Western/European egocentricities – we exist as an authentic ‘reality’, you exist as our ‘sublime Antipodean other’. But this is well ploughed intellectual ground. The world has moved on since 1897 and while the idealised mythologies of the exotic still haunt global media exchanges, the conception of what constitutes Antipodality has broadened considerably.

It’s always been kind of amusing to me that Australians tend to use the word ‘Antipodean’ with a kind of reverence or intellectual relish which completely belies the true derogatory meaning of the term. I strongly suspect it has something to do with the 5 syllables ;-) I don’t exactly find it vexing (in fact I think since the historical roots of the term have long passed from common knowledge, the word itself has correspondingly passed into new meaning) but I can’t help resenting the implication, seeing that Antipodean originates from the Latin phrase, ‘beneath the feet’.

It’s helpful for me to remind myself occasionally though, that the Antipodes are not strictly limited to Australia and New Zealand. I’m afraid my instinctual world view still tends to flagrantly betray my Angelo-Celtic origins, and I find myself unilaterally ignoring all those other Asian-Pacific countries with an even greater claim to marginalisation. Shocker! Antipodality, in a general sense, is simply the feeling of being neither here nor there. It is an experience of identity in relation to the ‘other’, in which the relation always appears more strongly to consciousness than either the identity it founds or the ‘other’ it projects. Experiencing Antipodality is always very unsettling and sometimes a little schizophrenic. Thus there is nothing uniquely Australian about it, although it is a very common anxiety in Australian culture. This is a place which is always and has always (before it was even discovered by Europeans, one might claim) been perceived in relation to an ‘elsewhere’ – a powerful ‘other’ at that. First the British came and colonised. Then the Americans came and coca-colonised. We are no-one, whoever we are; always oscillating in Antipodality with elsewheres.


There is no question in my mind that the anxiety of Antipodality is growing ever more common. The globalisation of trade and cultural flows, made possible by information technology, has re-opened old wounds of identity. The volume and velocity of cultural product in circulation keeps rising. Popular music, cinema and television, the raw materials of popular culture, are increasingly sold into global markets in accordance with transnational financing and marketing plans. Suddenly cultural identity looks like it is in flux on a global level. What I find disturbing though, is that the relations and the flows are more clearly identifiable than the tangible sources or destinations themselves. Cultural differences seem to be no longer tied to the experience of a specific place. The 'traditional' differences of locality, ethnicity & nation are doubled by 'contemporary' differences, determined not by being rooted in a particular place but by being affiliated with a particular network.

This new experience of difference is an experience of an active exchange between places, identities and formations, rather than a straightforward drawing of borders. Welcome to modern Antipodality. With CNN beaming into every part of the globe that can afford it, more and more people are experiencing 'Antipodality' - the feeling of being caught in a network of cultural trajectories beyond their control. It’s sobering to think that the acceleration of transnational communication will only serve to make this Antipodean experience even more common in the future.

So what do we do when faced with the Antipodean experience? Well on the one hand, it can lead to attempts to shore up identity against the flux - a reactive return to an imagined core of immutable identity and community. Alternatively, Antipodality can be treated more as a fact of life than as a threat to identity – in essence creating identity on the basis of said exclusion or subordination. Ahhhh, actually that’s a little simplistic but I’m tired of writing…

Here’s a thought to end with: “We no longer have roots, we have aerials.”

Saturday, November 05, 2005

Ode to a Prune

Folded soft,
all shine and black
Fruit of dew and branch and snap
Sits congealed in empty rays
Awoken late to fluorescent days

On my finger,
stuck flesh beseeching
But my tongue well practiced,
reaching
Driven on by impulse foolish
To slippery end,
repentant soap dish

In my swallow,
forms move with embraces
Towards the higher,
along snail traces
Belted in,
driven out
What the f is this hurt about?

Friday, November 04, 2005

timeonline internet cafe, moscow 4:54am

I recently received this email from a guy I met when I first moved to China back in January 2003. He left not 1 month later but the friendship that we forged has left a lasting impression. Amazingly he was only 18 at the time - amazing because although he was locked in a somewhat typically juvenile search for identity, he also possessed an astonishing wisdom which seemed born of a prolonged and torturous personal struggle with powerful inner demons. It's my belief he was/is/will soon be an amazing artist, but as with any truly great artist, the journey to self-actualisation will be painful (a cliche perhaps, but one I happen to put some stock in).

Anyway, in the DVD candy-land of Shanghai, Sam taught me much about his most beloved directors and expanded my burgeoning film vocabulary 3-fold. I remember long nights watching pirated movies I never would have attempted were it not for his stern admonishments that they were 'imperative' to my humanitarian education. There were equally endless discussions about art and beauty, the odd tear over the futility of it all and countless salt & pepper chicken dinners at the 'Red restaurant' across the river. Combined with work, a bitter winter and the exhaustion of international relocation, it was an incredibly intense time - but those are the best aren't they?!

I'm posting this for a couple of reasons:
1. I love getting proper emails - I am so sick of these 5 line, jargon-filled, emoticon punctuated excuses for human interchange - this is an example of how communication amongst friends should be.
2. He invited his readers to share.
3. I think it gives a tiny insight into the mind of a beautiful person, & that's gotta make somebody smile.
___________________________________________________________
Dear Reader,

I am writing this in my notebook in the expectation that I might finally be able to bring you some comprehensive news the next time I'm in an internet cafe. I apologize for not reporting back to you all sooner, but as I'm sure the more productive of you know, often you're too busy living life to find the time to write about it. At present I am traveling on the Berlin-Moscow Express (via Frankfurt, Warsaw, Brest & Minsk). It is mid-morning on the second day of the journey. Judging by the landscape outside my cabin window and an estimation of our position based on the time traveled so far, I'd say that I'm somewhere in rural Belarus. The first signs of the European Winter have started appearing. Patches of tall grass have been laid flat by frost and broken ice floats down the lakes. Otherwise it's a constant image of the same brown fields and villages I've been seeing since I woke up.

I'm sharing a sleeper cabin with an old German man. In fact I seem to be in the carriage for old German men, all in their navy tracksuits. For some reason my traveling companion Jess & I were assigned separate rooms in different carriages so we only meet occasionally in the smoking rooms located at the ends of every carriage. The train itself is quite old. Probably commissioned at the same time as most of its passengers. We haven't seen another young person onboard so train travel must be no less expensive than flying nowadays, or its just terribly old fashioned. I quite like it so far. Each cabin contains three seats that collapse at the end of each day and create a foundation for the bunk beds which fold out from the wall. Its cramped but comfortable, and although the hostesses speak no English, they're never too busy to stop and mime their instructions to you. My only complaint so far concerns the constant interruptions by border guards during the night. If you've ever wanted to add a few more stamps to your passport I highly recommend taking a train through Eastern Europe.

We left Berlin at lunchtime yesterday to no public fanfare. We'd spent the previous two nights sleeping on the floor of a young German hippie named Niko. That made it eight nights in a row we haven't paid for accommodation. Jess is a member of a website called couchsurfing.com. Hundreds of people from all over the world advertise their spare rooms and couches to fellow members. You just send them an e-mail asking if its available and they"ll usually get back to you with an answer and directions. Before Niko we spent six nights with a British ex-pat named Paul, whose name and residential status were not the only similarities he shared with another Paul I'd met in China.

Although this was technically our last day we didn't do anything worth writing about, so instead I'll pretend Monday was. I had reserved it for some last minute museum-hopping without realising that if Sundays were the retailer's day off, Mondays were the curators'. Jess and I ended up wandering aimlessly around the streets of West Berlin before deciding to kill our remaining time there at the movies. The only thing playing of any interest to both of us was Broken Flowers. That's the new one by Jim Jarmusch. I'd actually seen it alone on one of my first nights in town and left feeling dissapointed and confused. As some of you might know this is a very unusual reaction for me to have to a new Jarmusch film but I couldn't help feeling that he'd made dud, though I wasn't exactly sure why.

As I tried to explain to the english speaking desk clerk who had earlier complimented me on my choice of film I thought it had something to do with the ending. In nearly all, no all, of Jarmusch's films the character/s go on a journey. Literally. Usually a roadtrip, one time an existential journey into death. They never have conclusive endings these journeys, but they do end for now and leave you to imagine that the character continues their journey foreverafter. But Broken Flowers just seemed to stop. The mystery the film is based around remains unsolved and the situation of Bill Murray's character doesn't change at all, which seemed like lazy writng on Jarmusch's behalf. I seemed to be alone in these thoughts however, and being a fan I was curious to see it again and prove my first impression wrong. By the time we'd walked to the Original English Version screening cinemas in Potsdamer Platz I'd decided I was wrong and that I did like the film. My theory about the ending was like a square duvet: it kept me warm but it didn't really cover everything. Because Murray's character does go on a roadtrip, and that journey does come to a typically unconclusive end... There's a line in an earlier Jarmusch film, Down By Law, where Robert Benigni says, "Its a sad and beautiful world", which is an apt description of Jarmusch's ouvre, or at least my attraction to it. I think he's always made marginal comedies. But Broken Flowers, which is being marketed as a sort-of romantic comedy, is just sad. It doesn't have a bad ending, just a depressing one and I realized thats why I had such an uncertain reaction to it. After a second viewing I'd ceratinly recommend you see it (when it comes out there on Boxing Day). Just don't expect a Dead Man, or a Strange than Paradise for that matter. Another film I saw there was A History of Violence. That's the new one from David Cronenberg and I'd recommend it to everyone without any hesitation. Although I'd also advise you miss it if you're not into blood and guns. Which would be a shame because its a very intelligent and interesting film.

I did other things in Berlin besides going to the movies though. I arrived at Tegel around noon on the 17th of October. I had no instructions other than to catch the x9 bus to the Zoologischer Garten. I had no bed reserved for that night so I ended up staying in the youth hostel directly opposite the station. I decided to spend the afternoon walking about with the vain hope of stumbling onto some of those big romantic monuments. The first thing I discovered was footpaths as wide as roads So wide there was room for a separate bike path closer to the curb. And trees. In West Berlin oaks line the streets and occasionally replace the buildings in the numerous parks and playgrounds. It was the exact opposite of Kuala Lumpur where I spent my day in transit becoming hopelessly lost. The less said about it the better. I followed my eyes down these footpaths, following the ever present roadsigns to infamous Berlin suburbs, constantly changing my direction. Later on I would realise that I never did make it to Potzdamer Platz, Kreuzberg or Mitte that afternoon, but only manage to make a loop of the very centre of Berlin and indeed discover Checkpoint Charlie, the Brandenburg Gate and the Siegessaule along the way.

That night I decided I'd much rather be in East Berlin so the next day I left the West and after a series of false starts to a morning that served no other benefit than to teach me never to wander around a city with your pack looking for someplace to put it, I settled into another youth hostel in Mitte. From this hostel I procured a map of inner cuty Berlin that was to become invaluable during my time there. For amidst the site seeing locations were shaded patches superimposed around sections of each suburb indicating the hotspot for restaurants, shops and clubs in that area. This guide was rarely proved wrong and introduced me to the most appropriate parts of Berlin. Like Mitte; I imagine people still live in Mitte. Maybe in the side streets or further out towards Wedding, because they don't appear to live in the heart anymore. The centre of Mitte is all flagship stores for international fashion brands, boutique book stores, private galleries and independent cinemas. Apparently it used to be where it was at back in the day but has since gone through a period of gentrification that saw all the pretty young things and their milieu forced further east. That might be true, after going further east myself it does seem to be, but I still found Mitte delightful.

The next day I moved onto the next hotspot: Prenzlauer Berg. First stop, the tweest cafe in the world. I've already described it to one of you personally, but as for the rest of you, I'll just say that if I was ever to open a cafe I'd steal most of my ideas for it from this place. The rest of Prenzlauer Berg was similarly inspired. I've never seen so many small cafes and unbelievably well stocked, and accordingly priced, second hand stores; never knew that there existed somewhere record stores solely for the sale of 70s dub vinyl. There was a community run cinema screening Jean Luc Godard and Ken Russell retrospectives, and an independent cinema called Blow Up, whose interior was a floor to ceiling recreation of the original film poster for the Antonioni classic the place is named after. They seemed to be screening the latest release from a well known director, currently Broken Flowers, as well as a selection of earlier Jarmusch releases and other films that are a noted influence on his own work, ie- Nick Ray's Rebel Without a Cause. The program seemed to run for a few weeks before being replaced by another one. It looked like Terry Gilliam was next. The number of times I came across establishments like these was overwhelming. In my whole time in Berlin I only made it to one museum and a handful of the private galleries. I didn't feel like I needed to. These inner city suburbs were like living museums. Paintings were wheatpasted across their walls. Graffiti was visible on everyone doorway and rooftop. Stores were inviting you to come in and peruse the cream of twentieth century cultural history, past and present, for nothing. There was a arts festival being advertised called Displaced, which may or may not have coincided with such strange sites as a young Japanese woman dancing and singing to the passersby from her home in a vacant shop window, and a collection of the most delicate illustrations of imaginary flora and fauna on display in a foreman's demountable in a construction site. I didn't get out any nights either. I didn't see the wild life that Berlin seems to be renowned for. But I saw the evidence of its large subcultures existence everyday in the presence of these little niche businesses and abundant design studios.

What I found was a clean, beautiful city of six story buildings, a high standard of living, excellent public transport system and handsome, respectful and stylish citizens. I have a feeling that by my trip's end I might have found Paris more beautiful, Moscow more bewildering, Venice more enchanting, but I won't find another European city I'd like to live in more than Berlin. There are so many more tales to be told. I could write a memoir as long as this for everyday I spent in Berlin, for every other suburb I discovered, but I think its best for both of us that it ends up being compressed like this. Since I started writing this the beds have been put away, my room mate has disembarked and Jess has moved in. She's listening to her Iriver and staring out the window. I think I'll join her. But before I sign my name I'd like to ask that you write me back. Don't expect to receive a reply, but Russia promises to be a lonely and difficult experience. So please, if you're applying for or exiting a school, moving to another country, or expecting a baby, tell me about it. It would really make my day. By the same token please feel free to pass this on to any other relatives or friends you think might be interested in reading it.

OK. My love, greetings, salutations or whatever it is that's relevant to you,
Sam.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Bloody Blog

It's just occurred to me how bloody unreadable this bloody blog is. I mean it's no secret I'm winging it here but I don't know - I guess I just kinda assumed that my innately blinding writing talents and priceless wit would translate effortlessly into a page turning (toggling) read. Oh the crushing disappointment of reality! ;-)

I notice many people seem to be using their blog-space as a literal diary of daily events. I can't say that really interests me. For starters, what I get up to is really none of your business (you sick little perverts!) and for seconds - yawn. Here's a shocking little revelation from a gal who's lived in a couple of different places all around the world - your tragic little life is really not dramatically different from that of the majority of other plebs getting around out there (yes, including mine). That probably sounds a bit harsh but I prefer to see it as a rather liberating concept. We're all so scared of revealing our true selves to those around us because we fear being labeled freaks, social misfits or worse - well I'm here to tell you that I'm almost positive you're just another boring shmuck... unless you're an American from the mid-west... the statistical model tends to deviate rather sharply from the mean in this test group.

On second thoughts though, the only other blog I've come across on blogspot that I've liked enough to revisit (so far), is a journal-type affair (And I Did It Anyway). Now how does that work? I suppose its the writing itself and the fact that she's not just transcribing mundane activities, but meditating on inherent oddities in the human condition, which reveal themselves in the said tedium. Oh yeah, and she makes me laugh. We're all voyeurs at heart, aren't we?

Only really started thinking about what I'm doing here as I was telling a very close friend about this blog today. She hadn't heard that much about the whole blogging phenomenon and quite reasonably asked for my blog address so she could check it out... and that's when I totally clammed up. I mean I knew I'd been consciously keeping my new hobby to myself but I didn't realise just how powerfully I felt about maintaining that segregation between real life & web life. Pfff, I suppose it boils down to that fear I mentioned before. The really odd thing though, is that I'm open to interrogation from a world of strangers - more than that - I welcome it, good or bad. What perverse egotism!

Now I find myself fantasising about a certain man stumbling across this page and falling in love with my random musings... yes, you see it's very important that I'm not the one who directs him here. Some cosmic act of fate must lead him to this very spot, where he'll recognise my picture & profile, and find himself inexplicably compelled to read through the night (for these miraculous events always occur under cover of darkness). *sigh* Just when I think I've evolved beyond my hopelessly idealised Mills & Boon notions of romance... How is it I can be so practical and level headed about men in reality, yet still hang on to these ghosts of a girl I used to be, in my treacherous sub-conscious? It's really not very fair of me. Argh!

So here we are. An anonymous author, an unreadable blog, an uncertain audience. Pass me the Pulitzer.